lets face it: life is sad

all along i thought i can wave off all distractions and concentrate,

all along i thought i was strong enough,

all along i thought i'm not that emotional,

all along i thought i can still take it,

all along i thought i've given up on you.


but i'm not superman afterall.


excuses were what i gave myself for not being able to accomplish what i'm supposed to,

world cup was the main one,

but who truly understands me will know that it was more than that.

the more i said i'm ignoring it, the more i actually mind,

but it's getting difficult when the environment is just as shitty and not improving my situation.

is school just about HOW YOU FARE and CONSULTATIONS?

where have all the fun gone to?

schooldays are meant to be the most important part of our lives,

but it seems like mjc is making it hell.

or i shld say,

it is a battlefield.


what a sad truth,

for 17 and 18 yr olds to be quarrelling and competiting who did more tutorials and studied more than one another,

how childish can we get?

do we actually have a life?


tutorials are enough.

can someone spare me from discussing about studies even during break/walking out of school?

or even simple conversation?

it's getting on my nerves, really.

so much so that, i'm living in self-delusion,

in my own world, ignoring every little thing around me.

i cannot be bothered even when my "closest" friends shouted at each other.

i didnt even stop it, i didnt try to calm both of them down.


look at how superficial friendships in mjc are,

we make use of one another.

we are always living in denial that we hate hypocrites,

but we are one of the black sheeps inevitably.


but this is how the world functions.

this is life.