if you can dig a deeper hole than me, i'm sure i will do it faster than u.

it really feels that i'm at the lowest point of my life!

at the deeeeepest pit in the whole world, where i don see any ray of hope or light shining into my vision. there is no way for me to escape... all i can do is to dig a deeeeeeeeeper hole and continue to squat inside.

singhui/amanda said: "no, u must find something to fill up the hole so tt you will rise up above the rest!"

but the problem is, i can't even get out now. how to fill up the hole other than to dig up the materials from the pit i'm hiding in?

argh, i really feel very terrible during math today. moreover it is the FIRST PERIOD of the day. how great can it be when mr and mrs chua were both standing behind me when i was queueing for noodles today.

the shit keeeeeeps piling up man.

29/100, 28/100. how can i hope for a miracle at this juncture when i don't have any confidence in myself. it has eroded since the beginning of this year. it don feel good when you see urself failing math when u get As for the tests last yr and B for promos.

i'm really disheartened, discouraged and disappointed. is it just me or what?

let me whine for a little while more hahahahaa.

haiz. i'm so ashamed to face so many pple right now. yest, in order to escape from taking the same bus as mrs seng, i walked sharon and amanda to the opposite bus stop cuz i got a freaking 18.5/50 for p2, a score i nv ever dreammmmmt. HAIZ.

i'm scared that i will give up... along the way. maybe next week when i get geography back.

although another F doesn't make a difference, but for the amount of effort put in, i will probably go east coast and SCREAM!

had an argument with my sister last friday and it was quite bad. the whole family was affected and they went for dinner w/o me. i spent 2 hrs crying in my bedroom, thinking of the times spent in mj since last yr. i really felt terrible at that time. haiz. typing this entry induces me to cry again! omfg... i'm really pissed at myself for being so weak and crying all the time cuz of stupid stuff like STUDIES. since when study has become the top priority? since when it has rule over my life?

on one hand, i'm really happy tt A's is coming cuz tt marks the end to the terrible life in sch, but it also marks the D-Day for me to face all te consequences. i don't want to be so pessimistic. i want to be the person whom i always be - laughing loudly and grossly!! but when the pessimism is surrounding me, i think it takes alot to get me out of it.

the fear of taking/doing math papers under exam condition really scares me. i timed myself just now to do 2005 A level paper 1, i took about 2hr 45 mins and i can safely say i can secure a A level pass. what the fuck when i cannot complete the paper in 3 hrs n i got 29 marks for prelims?


just let me rant. don't care about me. if i never complain here, i might just commit suicide tml. hahahaha.

i really hate to disappoint pple and it gets really tiring when you know so many pple are giving u their morale support.. believing tt you can do very very well.. but at the same time the stress you've imposing on the person is so overwhelming tt.. it can actually result in negative implications................. n i think it is happening to me now. my family who wont mind how i do for exams, my crazy n gross frens in bowen, my tutor, my secondary sch teachers (i don think i will acknowledge any jc teachers yet cuz i think they are so superficial and fake)... i'm really scared tt i will disappoint them.

i hate to disappoint pple cuz i hate to be disappointed. just let me do a little better for mock exam pls.